what would I do if I wasn't afriad.....

....that is a question that I ask myself often. As cheesy as this is too admit, fear is my main problem. I read this book when I was being laid off called Who moved my Cheese. Kind of lame but the part about being scared affected me.
I say all of this to explain my thoughts and actions this morning. I finally laid down at like midnight and I fell asleep for an hour. I dreamt, sadly, about painting. So, I got up (no kids around, they are at their dads AGAIN) and came in the kitchen to paint. While I was doing that I was thinking things over. I can't tell you how long I have wanted to paint shelves how I am. Why haven't I done that before?
FEAR....that someone will think they are ugly. That someone will yell at me(you know who I mean). That I will mess up and they will look stupid. Stuff like that.
Then I was thinking, when did I become, unfearful?
The only thing that I can add up is Brian. About the time we got together and I started realizing that he loves me just the way I am....geek, cry baby, naggy at time....all those kind of icky things.....that I started doing things I like. And being confident in them.
So, even while he is gone, he has taught me something more. Love gives you...wings? confidence? something like that....have a good day all....its beautiful here. Hope it is wherever you are too
j